names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
