it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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