i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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