Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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