Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
