the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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