Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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