You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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