"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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