Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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