Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
