You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
