Sry I called you an 8
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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