Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
4 words: hood of his car
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
