I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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