I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
