I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
