there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
