I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
