She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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