i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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