pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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