you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this beer tastes like vomit already
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
