Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
