i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
