Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
