"it" just moved
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
