Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
