girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
