RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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