I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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