I am in a vortex of obligation.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
