we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
