I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
