They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
In America we eat man semen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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