I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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