I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You need Xanax blowdarts
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
