It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
