Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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