At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
