this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
