So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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