Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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