he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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