Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
