just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
