She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
