there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
