Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
