I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
