she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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