We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
