I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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