Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
