I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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