i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just gift wrapped bread.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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