guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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