just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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