I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
