cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
