I puked a lego.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
