I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
