boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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