Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
