I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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