I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
