also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
