Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
