I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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