i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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