Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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