how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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