the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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